Pea Pod or Chicken Soup
by K. J. Pitre
Summary: Marco and Kirk move into their own apartment and think this is gonna be the best time of their lives. But until they cross differences, they realize it's not as easy as it sounds. Dramedy. Minimal course language.


**The Anatomy of**

**A Pea Pod**

**By Kyle Pitre**

ACT 1

Scene 1

(An apartment. A few of the necessities with doors that lead to the outside, the bathroom, and the bedrooms. Two teenage men walk in. They have just graduated. They walk in with bags. They drop their bags on the floor and look around)

KIRK

See? ... This ain't so bad.

MARCO

I guess not. Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to unpack now.

KIRK

You go ahead and pick a room, I'll just take a look around.

MARCO

Sure, okay.

KIRK

Oh, in case you cross it, that one vase I got for my birthday from my mom, just put it on the counter next to that sink.

MARCO

(Looking at the bag, pulling out his vase)

Here it is.

KIRK

(As Marco places the vase on the counter)

Don't break it!

MARCO

I would never break this! I know how much it means to you.

(Marco picks up his bags again and walks over to one of the bedroom. Kirk walks around looking at the furniture and the ceiling and everything. He observes the kitchen. He runs his finger along the top and looks at his fingertips. He rubs them together)

KIRK

Nothing a good clean can't do.

(Kirk pokes his head into the bathroom)

KIRK

Yo, Marco!

MARCO

Yeah!

KIRK

The last guy left their soap.

MARCO

Eww! Throw it out!

KIRK

Why?

MARCO

Who knows who's touched it?

KIRK

It's still wrapped.

MARCO

Still!

KIRK

It could be a housewarming gift!

(Marco walks out of his bedroom, putting a sticker with his name on it on the door)

MARCO

Who would want to warm the house any more? I'm dying of heat!

KIRK

Maybe the real estate agent decided to be nice.

MARCO

Yeah, although our agent happened to live in a trailer.

KIRK

You'd think a real estate agent would have a nice house, eh?

MARCO

We were his first clients... Hey, quit throwing me off topic! Throw that soap away.

KIRK

Fine.

(Kirk tosses it outside)

MARCO

Kirk!

KIRK

What?

MARCO

(laughing) Why did you throw it outside?

KIRK

In case you haven't noticed, we don't have a garbage.

MARCO

We don't?

KIRK

Nope.

(Marco does a quick look-through of the house. Afterwards, he rejoins Kirk)

MARCO

We don't.

KIRK

I said "no."

MARCO

You said "nope."

KIRK

(accepting his humor) Oh, very funny.

(Kirk goes back to the bathroom)

KIRK

Eww!!

MARCO

What?!

(Kirk runs out with a back-scrubber)

KIRK

It's yellow!

MARCO

Oh, gross! Throw it out!

(Kirk quickly tosses it out of the window)

VOICE

Ow! What the--!!

(Kirk and Marco looks at each other in shock.

(They slowly approach the window and look out. They look a bit surprised)

VOICE

What the hell was that for?!

MARCO

Kirk, you hit a hobo on the head with the hard end of that back-scrubber.

KIRK

Do you _think_?!

MARCO

Just walk away.

(Marco walks away from the window. Kirk, however is still looking, but now he is smiling)

MARCO

... Um... Kirk?

KIRK

Yeah, hold on... He's rubbing it real hard. It must hurt like a mother.

MARCO

Okay, whatever, now come away from the window, he could see you.

KIRK

Oh, he saw me a while ago. Yeah!

MARCO

What?

(Kirk runs into his bag and pulls out a bag of oranges)

MARCO

Kirk, no!

KIRK

Just wait.

(Kirk drops an orange out of the window)

MARCO

KIRK!!

KIRK

Too late.

MARCO

You idiot!

KIRK

Oh, bruises heal, Marco, lighten up.

MARCO

No, those are damn good oranges. Don't waste them on a hobo!

KIRK

Oh... Well, those oranges are pretty hard, though.

MARCO

Yes, they are! ...

(There is silence)

MARCO

Of course...

(Kirk's attention is caught)

MARCO

I have some of those apples that were, like, really cheap... They don't even taste that good...

KIRK

Yeah, but we could always go down and donate them to that homeless shelter down the street...

MARCO

Yeah... We could...

KIRK

(After a long silence) Or...

(Both run into Marco's room and grab a bag of apples. They run to the window and begin to drop them one by one)

VOICE

Ow! What the--! Stop that! Ow! Crap! Hey thanks! Ow! God bless!! Okay! I'm good - ow! I have enough vitamin - damn - C! Cut it out! Ow!

MARCO

That's it, we're all out.

KIRK

Looks like we might need to go shopping.

MARCO

Yeah, and let's hope that the hobo has nothing to do, 'cause we sure don't.

KIRK

That's for sure.

MARCO

Okay, I'll finish unpacking the food and I'll put it in the fridge.

KIRK

What will I do?

MARCO

I dunno, uh, unpack the clothes and put them on our beds.

KIRK

Okay, sure...

(They stand there)

MARCO

... Now?!

KIRK

Oh, right.

(Kirk runs into the bedroom. Marco grabs a cooler and one of the bags and begins to unpack the food and snacks into the cupboard and fridge)

KIRK

Who's shirt is this?

MARCO

Kirk...

KIRK

What?

MARCO

If it's not yours its mine.

KIRK

Oh, wait, this is yours.

MARCO

Are you sure?

KIRK

I'm pretty sure.

MARCO

What does it look like?

KIRK

Umm... It's a tan shirt with a teal T-shirt sewn onto it.

MARCO

What does it say on it?

KIRK

It has a coat of arms or something on it.

MARCO

Yeah, that's yours.

KIRK

Nope, never mind, it's mine.

MARCO

Are you sure?

KIRK

Yeah, it has my name on its collar... Although... If you scramble the letters, flip them upside down and squint, it kind of looks like it says Marco... Did you happen to write your name on the collar of a shirt while you were drunk, upside down and itching for a confusing mammogram?

MARCO

Kirk!

KIRK

It's mine!

(Kirk later walks out)

KIRK

Done.

MARCO

Okay.

KIRK

Well, what can I do now?

MARCO

I don't know, sit down. Watch TV or something, read a book.

KIRK

Book? What is this book you speak of?

MARCO

(laughs) Well, do whatever you want, Kirk, this is your place too, you know.

KIRK

Okay... You done yet?

MARCO

Nope. In a bit.

KIRK

Kay...

(Kirk walks around the space and twiddles his thumbs. He look at a "Little Boy's Room" sign on the bathroom and tries to see logic in it. He taps the sign a bit and the sign sways on its nail. He sits down and looks around for the remote. He finally finds it. He points it to the TV and pushes a button. There is no reaction. He pushes it again. Then again. Then a 4th time)

KIRK

Marco, you need to run down to the store some time to get some batteries.

MARCO

Put it on our list before we go to the store next time.

KIRK

Kay...

MARCO

What for?

KIRK

The remote to the TV.

MARCO

So a lack in battery power is going to stop you from watching anything?

KIRK

I suppose.

MARCO

How about you push the button on the TV itself?

KIRK

Fine, but both of us are gonna get tired of it.

(Kirk pushes the button. No reaction. He pushes it a few more times)

KIRK

Oh, for the love of God!

MARCO

What now?

KIRK

The TV won't turn on.

MARCO

Well... (Walks to the TV) How about we see if the TV is p_lugged in_. Would you like to see me plug it in, Kirk?!

KIRK

... I'm waiting.

MARCO

Ugh!

(Marco picks up the plug to find that the plug isn't just not plugged in but it has been gnawed so that it a loose piece of wire)

MARCO

Television: item #2.

KIRK

Job: item #...

(Marco looks at him)

KIRK

I'm still hesitant. Let's put it in the late 20's... I'm looking for a gig at McDonald's, or something.

MARCO

Let me get back to the fridge.

KIRK

Are you sure you don't want me to do anything?

MARCO

No, just do something else. Anything.

KIRK

Fine.

(Kirk goes into the bathroom and pulls out an old magazine. He sits on the couch and begins to read)

KIRK

(Aloud) In a recent study of employment around the world, it would appear that minimal professions, in which employees get to achieve their creative potential and (finger quotes) "be their own boss", are actually what Prof. Robert Oswald says, "Chimerical." (Chuckles to himself) Chimerical. C-H-I-M-E-R-I-C-A-L. Wildly fanciful, highly unrealistic. (Back to the magazine) Oswald says "Professions such as author and actor are indeed highly unreasonable and illogical when said person must break their backs and work for something that they are simply... never going to achieve"? What the hell is this guy talking about. "A more reasonable profession, such as cosmologist, biologist, or simple store manager can be achieved through something that star-blinded fools shall never discover: university." (Flipping through pages) Now _that's_ a big load of it if I've ever heard of it, eh?

MARCO

(Standing up, joining Kirk) I'm done. What was that?

KIRK

This idiot Prof. Robert Odd Fart. He thinks an acting career is 'chimerical.'

MARCO

And you don't agree with him?

KIRK

Marco, are you kidding? You and I have been taking summer theatre camp since we were in grade 5. Don't tell me that YOU'VE turned to the dark side.

MARCO

(Going back to the kitchen, putting away the empty cooler and bag away) I did it because it was fun, Kirk, not because I wanted to make a career out of it.

KIRK

You of all people should know that I DO want to make a career out of it. Why on earth would you say something like that when you know how I feel about theatre?

MARCO  
(After putting them away) Pestilential. P-E-S-T-I-L-E-N-T-I-A-L.

KIRK

May I have a definition?

MARCO

(Into the living room) Producing or tending to produce pestilence. Annoyingly troublesome.

KIRK

Look, look! Right here! An audition slip!

MARCO

What's it for?

KIRK

The stage production of 'Shock Treatment.'

MARCO

Is that the one by Richard O'Brien?

KIRK

Ya! I'm gonna go for it!

MARCO

(To his bedroom) Good luck with that.

KIRK

What the heck is that supposed to mean? "Good luck with that." Do you not trust me in my abilities of acting and singing?

MARCO

(Coming out) Kirk, I know you're a good actor, and from what I've heard, you singing isn't bad either, but this is Broadway. This particular show has a small cast, and I just don't think you can cut it.

KIRK

You know I'm gonna go for it anyway.

MARCO

... I know... I know nothing's gonna stop you.

KIRK

And who knows, I just might meet a guy along the way.

MARCO

Could you please turn the page or talk about something else?

KIRK

... What do you think I should audition with? One Song Glory? ... Or I'll Cover You the reprise... Taylor the Latte Boy?

MARCO

Okay, Kirk, come on.

KIRK

Well, what do YOU suggest?

MARCO

Give it up. (To the bathroom) It's not gonna happen.

KIRK

Would you quit leaving the room when you finish your sentences? You're not making a point and the conversation isn't over.

MARCO

(Walking into the room slowly) ... What do you want me to say?

KIRK

How about some freakin' support?

MARCO

What do you expect me to do?!

KIRK

... I don't know.

MARCO

... If you'd excuse me, I have to alphabetize my DVD's. (Walks into the bedroom)

(Kirk's cell phone rings. He picks it up)

KIRK

Hello? ... Hey, Leesh, what's up?! ... Oh, great! ... How's Marco? (Looks at the bedroom) Oh, the usual...

(Lights out)

Scene 2

(3 ladies comes out dressed as pilgrims)

LADIES

(Singing) 'Tis a gift to be simple, 'tis a gift to be free. (Hums. They leave. Lights go on)

(It's Fall. They are dressed to the occasion. They walk in through the door with bags of goods. As they walk in, the phone rings)

KIRK

Got it! (Picks up the phone) Hello? ... Yeah, hey, Amanda! Ya... Oh, well, he's right here. But, how's it going? ... Okay, okay, here he is. (To Marco) It's for you.

MARCO

Thanks. (Takes phone) Hey, Man! Hi... Well, sure, any time... Oh yeah... What? Okay... Yeah? ... Kay... (Laughs hard)Oh my God, you're right!

KIRK

What?

(Marco makes the signal that he's saying 'Hold on, I'll tell you later.')

MARCO

Right here... Okay... Yeah? ... (laughs again)

(The entire time, Kirk becomes a tad suspicious of what Marco is talking about. He anxiously awaits the end of their conversation)

MARCO

So, today? Yeah, Kirk and I were just gonna have dinner... Mac & Cheese. Yeah, Kirk is what you call the starving actor. Well, I got this job as a column writer and Kirk got a lead in this new musical... Yeah, that's the one. The opening's in a few months and MTV is recording the opening... Are you and Jennifer coming down. He _should _know. Let me ask. (To Kirk) Yo, Kirk, who was supposed to be coming today?

KIRK

People are coming?

MARCO

(Phone) No... Good, it'll be a surprise.

KIRK

What will?

(Marco does the signal again to Kirk, this time more stricter. Kirk is somewhat annoyed and hops on the couch, looking slightly angered)

MARCO

Hurry up, then, we'll start to make it. Bye... Kisses!

(Hangs up. To Kirk) What did you wanna say?

KIRK

(Fake smile, clearly fake, but his sarcasm is oblivious to Marco, only making Kirk more pissed) Nothing, I'm perfectly fine!

MARCO

Good, I'll start dinner.

KIRK

(Giving up) Ugh!

(Kirk looks over his shoulder noticing that Marco has put the boxes of Kraft Dinner away and takes out uncooked noodles and broths and spices and other necessities)

KIRK

What happened to the Kraft Dinner?

MARCO

Change of plans.

KIRK

Really?

MARCO

Yup, we got guests.

KIRK

Our moms aren't coming, are they? Last time, they didn't move for an HOUR just talking.

MARCO

Don't get started on that day. Jennifer, you, Amanda and I loved that day. The day we walked all of the way from school.

KIRK

Don't get me started on _that_. That was the worst day of my life.

MARCO

Don't over exaggerate, it wasn't that bad.

KIRK

Well, Jennifer hated it as much as I did. She threw a snowball right at your head and you had to 'appease' her with an Icy Square.

MARCO

A what?

KIRK

An Icy Square. You don't remember those. You used to have them in a little bowl in your house and you used one to stop Jennifer from ripping your head off.

MARCO

Oh, yeah.

KIRK

... So who's coming?

MARCO

You'll find out.

KIRK

Okay... Oh, where are the batteries?

MARCO

In the bag.

(Kirk goes over to the kitchen where the bags are and reaches in one to pull out a pack of triple A's. He puts them in the remote control and points the remote at the TV and pushes the button. He pushes it again... And again... and again, and again.)

KIRK

Oh, you have got to be kidding!

MARCO

What?

KIRK

We just got a new TV and the remote is completely busted inside and out. Great job, you stupid batteries.

MARCO

Well, don't cry, we'll get one of those universal remotes.

KIRK

I wasn't crying... So what can I help with.

MARCO

Nothing, I'm fine.

KIRK

I don't think so. If we're having guests, like you said, we need to work together so that it gets done twice as fast.

MARCO

Really, Kirk, I'm fine. After all, who's the Italian?

KIRK

(sung) Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true...

MARCO

No!

KIRK

Kay, fine! This is grade 10 all over again!

MARCO

Oh, what are you talking about?

KIRK

Remember in grade 10, it was the four us and we were getting the idea for that one musical about those kids who go to Shankman High.

MARCO

The name of the school was your idea, and to tell you the truth, I never liked it.

KIRK

Anyways, you remember.

MARCO

Yeah?

KIRK

And we were assigning roles of the production crew... Do you remember what the crew was?

MARCO

(Barely caring) Uh, I dunno.

KIRK

Well, there was you, who wrote the lyrics, Amanda, who wrote music to go with the lyrics, Jennifer, who wrote the dialog, and there was me, who, what Marco? (waiting for an answer)

MARCO

Um, I dunno.

KIRK

There was me, who you said, specifically, was there to be funny. Not to write the songs, not to design the book, not to write dialog, not to make a fricken' rhyme, but to be there and be funny. Last time I checked, they didn't put your name in the credits for being comic relief!

MARCO

That was a joke.

KIRK

Well, if it was a joke, how come I didn't get a real part in the entire production? And another thing, when you, the person who the earth revolves around, say 'let's stop this whole thing' everyone has to be all 'okay, yes Marco, whatever you say, master.' Did you ever think that the other three want to continue the whole thing?

MARCO

Well, it's not like I paid them to stop with me. So why did you stop, then?

KIRK

It takes more than one person to make an entire original musical. It takes more than four, anyhow.

MARCO

So tell me, if it takes more than four as well, how come you're upset that the whole thing stopped when in reality, it would never happen?

KIRK

Isn't it fun to stick with something with your friends and dream for once and know that it was a failure, but at least you could do it long enough to say 'Sure, it sucked, but I enjoyed doing it.'

MARCO

Where are you getting at? All of this because of dinner? Typical, you're arguing about food.

KIRK

Oh shut up!

MARCO

Here's what you can do, you can make a salad.

KIRK

Yeah, I will!

MARCO

Make sure it doesn't suck!

KIRK

Oh, it'll be the worst salad you ever had!

MARCO

Good, I'll get the lettuce!

KIRK

I'll get the dressings.

(They do)

MARCO

So, chop it up, already.

KIRK

I am!

(Kirk is chopping the lettuce and Marco watches him. Kirk finishes and puts the lettuce into a bowl)

MARCO

So what are we gonna have in our salad el crappay?

KIRK

Well, first, we're gonna add one cup of table salt!

MARCO

Sounds _delicious_!!

(Kirk pours the salt into the salad)

MARCO

What next?!

KIRK

Well, I'm glad you asked, we're gonna add chopped onions, (adds it) some garlic, (adds it) and, hmm, what do YOU think, Marco?

MARCO

How about some curry ketchup?!

KIRK

Sounds _GREAT_!!

MARCO

Alright!!

(Kirk adds a heaping puddles of curry ketchup into the salad. Door bell rings)

KIRK

Would you care to answer the door?!

MARCO

I would LOVE to!

(He answers it. Jennifer and Amanda walk in)

JENNIFER

Hello!

AMANDA

Nice place, guys.

MARCO

Oh, isn't it?!

AMANDA

Marco, what's wrong?

KIRK

Nothing!! He's perfect!! Marco is ALWAYS perfect!! The pinnacle of PERFECTION!!

JENNIFER

Okay?

MARCO

Who's hungry?!

AMANDA

Actually, I wanted to show you two this new video about...

KIRK

I'm hungry!! Are _you_ hungry, Marco?!

MARCO

I'm STARVING!

JENNIFER

Alright, I guess we're eating now.

(They sit at the table. Kirk and Marco look at each other in anger and eat)

KIRK

Great pasta, Marco!

MARCO

Thank you, Kirk!

KIRK

You always make it perfect because you're Marco, is that right?!

MARCO

Yes, Kirk, you _are_ right! I do things perfectly!

JENNIFER

What's going on?

MARCO

Nothing!!

KIRK

Don't talk to her that way!

MARCO

Who are you to tell me who to talk to and what to say?!

KIRK

Oh yeah, that's right, 'cause you're Marco and Marco gets to do whatever the hell he want!

MARCO

THAT'S RIGHT!!

KIRK

(To the girls. The girls jump after Kirk's shout to them) HEY! Have some salad! I made it myself!

MARCO

Yes, and Kirk makes the _best_ salad because he's the vegetarian!

KIRK

Yeah, that's right! And, being the vegetarian, I'm a hippy, a member of PETA and a fagot!

MARCO

Of course you are, why else would you have broken up with Jennifer back in Gr. 10?

KIRK

Because I came out of the closet, you idiot! I didn't want to live a lie!

MARCO

She loved you, you know? Are you that conceited?!

JENNIFER

Could we not do this...

KIRK

(To Marco) Shut up! You shut up! You shut up your god damn mouth!

MARCO

Fag!

KIRK

Dick!

(silence)

JENNIFER

I guess we should try the salad.

AMANDA

I guess...

(They serve themselves salad. They eat their salad and look very surprised. They reluctantly eat their greens and 'smile')

JENNIFER

It's great, hun.

KIRK

Isn't it?

(silence)

KIRK

4 months.

MARCO

What?

KIRK

4 months, and we're already at each other's throats.

MARCO

Well, maybe if you weren't so melodramatic.

KIRK

I was trying to build up an apology.

MARCO

Then why don't you just come out with it, then?!

KIRK

Not if you're gonna be a prick about it.

MARCO

Am I really the prick, or will you not apologize because high-and-mighty Kirk needs his pride. He can't let his ego go even _that much_ down! Gotta be on top of everything, right?! Do you wanna know why you can't be any lower Kirk? Because nothing is lower than shit...

(silence)

KIRK

I'm avoiding this whole thing.

(Kirk goes to the television and begins to press the button on the remote)

MARCO

It doesn't work, remember? You can't even remember 10 minutes ago. And _that's _why we all did academic levels and little old Kirk stayed applied throughout all of high school.

KIRK

I did academic English.

MARCO

And I don't blame you because we all SPEAK English! That's why Jennifer takes university, Amanda takes university, and I take university and you're still looking for a McDonald's with a 'now hiring' sign. And this is how it's gonna work: you'll get fired, I'll lift you up off of your natural habitat, the couch and a bag of chips, and encourage you to get your life together.

KIRK

This isn't working out!

MARCO

No, it's not!

KIRK

I want out... I want out and away from you!

MARCO

Fine, let me get my things and I'll get out of your sight!

KIRK

No, I'll get out!

MARCO

Oh, yeah?!

KIRK

Yeah! I'm getting the hell out of here! Do you want to know why, Marco, that I'm leaving? Because I want you to have a roof over your head and food to eat and Master's in god-knows-what. Do you want to know why I want you to have all of this and not me, Marco, because I love you! I love you way too damn much to throw you out on the street! I love you like a fricken brother and I'm killing myself because of it! So please, sit down with your girlfriend and her friend and let me get my shit! Good day, sir!

(Kirk slams the door on his room. There is an ultimate silence that no words can break. Marco tries to get out something, but can't. Kirk later comes out with his bag)

MARCO

Kirk, I know that you have a lot of more stuff than that.

KIRK

Marco, seriously, I could care less about what I have. Just as long as I have the clothes on my back, I'm good to go. (He is about to leave, but turns around to the three) You know, ever since this little quartet was formed, I have felt out of the loop this entire time. You two whisper so much to one another that I'm almost 100 positive that you're talking about me. Well, since I'm leaving, you can just forget about me, that way I won't need to worry if you're talking about me or not. Goodbye Marco. Goodbye and good riddance.

(Kirk leaves. Marco remains standing. He looks at Kirk's vase. He picks it up and observes it. After a long time of staring into it's ceramic shine, he throws it to the floor, shattering instantly)

Scene 3

(Ladies come out dressed as angels)

LADIES

(Sung) Glo-o-o-oria, in exelshez deo. (Ladies leave. Lights go on)

(Winter. Marco walks in dressed accordingly with a sweater or sweat shirt. Door bell rings)

MARCO

I'll get it! (Stopping after realizing that he just talked to his roommate that was no longer there. He continues and opens the door. It's Amanda and Jennifer with bags) Hey.

AMANDA

Hey...

(Both walk in slowly, having the life-changing fight still in their minds)

MARCO

Guys, it's okay, nothing's gonna happen.

(As they move in the house, Jennifer begins to hum "One Song Glory.")

MARCO

What are you doing?

JENNIFER

It's just that... He practiced that song all of the time. You know, back when Theatre Alive was doing auditions for High School Musical.

MARCO

Well, the play sucked anyways, I saw it. The guy who played Troy was off key the entire time.

AMANDA

He would have been better.

MARCO

What?

AMANDA

Kirk... He would have been so much better.

MARCO

Oh... Oh, yeah, without a doubt... But Troy didn't have an anger problem, so...

AMANDA

Okay, you know what, I'm unpacking now!

(Leaves into her soon-to-be room and slams the door shut. Marco and Jennifer are alone in the room. Jennifer quickly follows Amanda)

JENNIFER

I'll help!

MARCO

(After a while, throwing a chair to the floor) God dammit!

(Is it instinct? Whatever it is, Marco is convinced that Kirk will be in place of the hobo. He looks outside of the window and sees Kirk sitting with the same clothes on, but a little dirty)

MARCO

(After much hesitation) Yo!

(Kirk looks above him to see Marco's head poking out of the window. He looks away)

MARCO

Kirk! Come on, buddy!

KIRK

I can't feel my eardrums; I can't hear you!

MARCO

Oh, you're mature!

KIRK

Well, maybe I am! More mature than you!

MARCO

Oh yeah, of course you are, but you decided to pick up your shit and leave! Why, I'll never know! You know what you are, Kirk, you're a martyr! I'm not buying!

KIRK

I never asked you to!

MARCO

Good!

KIRK

Go to hell!

MARCO

You know what, why don't you just die! Do some good for once and die!

KIRK

Fine!! I will!

(Marco closes the window fiercely. He leans on the counter and looks annoyed. He finally looks back at the window and slowly opens it)

MARCO

... Where's your stuff?

KIRK

I sold it.

MARCO  
For what?

KIRK

Soap.

MARCO

How'd that turn out?

KIRK

What do you think? I ran out.

MARCO

You know I got some up here.

KIRK

I'm fine.

MARCO

No, you're NOT fine! Your sitting on the cold ground stinking like a rotten... animal!

KIRK

Stink is the new cologne. I read it in 'People.'

MARCO

Kirk... You've made your point... I'm not gonna lie, it sucks here.

KIRK

(Smirking) How much?

MARCO

(Widening his arms) This much.

KIRK

That's an awful lot of suck.

MARCO

It is! ... Look, Kirk, I know we touched some sensitive subjects a while ago, but I think we have to end this crap.

KIRK

Why? ... Why wouldn't it be any different than it used to be?

MARCO

Well, let me put it this way. If you think I hate you so much and you were the center of my gossip back in grade 10, why would I have kept you around?

KIRK

'Cause you don't wanna be the only boy.

MARCO

And because you are the epitome of hilarity. You wanna know what else, Kirk? ... I bet the only thing you didn't sell was the CD I gave you for Christmas.

KIRK

The what?

MARCO

Years ago I made an 'Ode to Kirk' CD just for you. After you left the CD went missing. Do you still have it Kirk?

KIRK

... I might.

MARCO

I know that you want this to go away as much as I do.

KIRK

We can't go back.

MARCO

Then let's start over!

KIRK

... I dunno, Marco.

MARCO

... Fine, Kirk... I... I can't convince you to do anything you don't wanna do. But I'll leave the door unlocked... I'll continue my day... but it'd be a lot more awesome if you were a part of it.

(Marco unlocks the door and begins to read a book. The lights go off of the outside street. A knock is at the door)

MARCO

... It's open.

(Kirk opens the door and goes to the apartment. As soon as Kirk walks in, he is suddenly tense again. He is about to leave)

MARCO

Kirk, no!

(He stops)

KIRK

I honestly don't know why I came back here.

MARCO

Because life sucks without an Italian.

KIRK

Maybe so, but... never mind.

MARCO

Come on, Kirk, don't go.

KIRK

Why not? Why can't I just go?

MARCO

Because I miss you in the place. I kinda miss your stereo blaring from the other side of the wall when I'm trying to sleep. You probably don't know this, but whenever you play that stereo and think I can't hear it, I sing along to it.

KIRK

That's the reason I keep it on, so you can sing to it.

MARCO

... Thanks...

KIRK

Look, Marco, I wish I could turn back the clock, but it doesn't happen like that.

MARCO

I realize that, but why can't we just go back to being good friends? I miss it when you have your little episodes with the television, no pun intended.

KIRK

(chuckles) I guess... But...

MARCO

What?

KIRK

I don't know if you could forgive me for what I did. I really messed things up for us and I guess I did want a little bit of pity by throwing myself out that time.

MARCO

Look, just stay for the week, then if you want you can go back to the blistering cold, okay?

KIRK

Well... You did get the heater fixed, so...

MARCO

Okay, you don't have to spell it out for me.

KIRK

... I need to sit down.

MARCO

Good, I just made some peas.

(Puts down the bowl in front of Kirk)

MARCO

You must be hungry, not eating anything decent.

KIRK

Peas?

MARCO

Yeah, peas.

KIRK

I hate peas.

MARCO

(sigh) Welcome home, Kirk... Welcome home...

--!--!--THE END--!--!--


End file.
